52 cards in a deck

in los angeles today waiting on a plane

can’t handle this baggage and all the pain 

at baggage claim wishing i could say your name

to your face 

but i am confused and ashamed 

still

life

of a butterfly in wet paint 

never 

dried 

my eyes

on a cocktail napkin 

wondering when will this end 

and what exactly happened 

to begin with

all i know is: there are 50 states in the US

and 52 cards in a deck

also, i’ve got an ace up my sleeve for a queen 

feeling mean and green like a teen 

and i always keep a tampon on me

just in case i need to clog a bullet wound

or stop the bleed

not acting my age because things

haven’t been the same since you threw me away

in los angeles today 

deboarding a plane 

praying for rain, but all i know is this: there 

are 50 states in the USofA and 52 cards in a deck

i am missing the queen

and praying for reign