seizures

seizures and fits of melancholy drive me on diesel all the way through this valley

searching for something, anything, to calm my nerves and give me a feeling

that i think i deserve

to be healthy, at least

we long to be happy

but instead we have a feast on thanksgiving day and say grace

ungracefully as we stuff our faces full of tryptophan from turkey

and carbohydrates and such

sometimes living is too much

and it seems just like a promise i have to keep

threatened suicide in a xanax vodka blackout

at a shout or a fever pitch but the question is

did i really mean it? 

i had gotten some bad news via text message 

and lost my shit

is getting normal these days

when the 45th president took the reigns 

it all felt insane

but now the tweets and speeches are mundane 

and this causes me more pain than any thing else

than your absence 

wish i were a cop so i could write you up for truancy

on a relationship you just discarded so cruelly 

the days pass, i wonder if i’ll gain weight in old age

or shrink into nothingness 

but i’ve got my listerine, i’ve got a pack of matches, 

i’ve got a grin to disarm even my worst enemy

is myself