accident (birthday present placeholder pt. 8)

i am

we

are

an

accident

waiting,
begging,
dying

to

happen.

and

it’s

happening...

there is nothing
we can do, it
seems/at least,
to make it quit

to stop it

to cease

and desist

please?

yr hurting
me

yr killing
what is
already
dead

you are kicking
me while i am
down

on the ground

with blood
and love

gushing
from
my heart,
my soul,

my mouth

is sore

and i don’t want,
i can’t afford

to chew on
this b.s.
anymore

so please,
darlin’, i’m
on my knees

yet again

begging

for you to
put me

out of my misery
to put me back
in yr pocket,

back in yr locket,
back in yr mind,
yr head

and let me in,

let me love you?

if not

then let me
move and
get on

with my life

or with my death

whichever
it is

whatever will be

doesn’t seem to be...

occuring,

in reverse

in pros or in verse

i curse in cursive
as i write you my
life story

in three or four (actually)
words on this torn
forlorn sheet
of dirty paper:

she doesn’t love me.

post script: i wish
that somebody
would have told
me before this
minute/second/
moment
the following:

rap songs are wrong
and country songs
never happen like
‘that’ and movies
fed us full’a white
lies and garbage
re: living life
and loving
and husbands
and marriage
and asking
her to be
yr wife.

would have saved me a lot’a
trouble, pain, sleepless nights,
loss, and strife and much such.

(and not sure why i always have to remind
my mind to ‘begin stopping’ vs. ‘quitting’
i guess cus once i read that yr brain
responds to negativity/enforcement
and blocks out the positive when
it is presented post/after
a negative...like, for example/
instance: this sentence, ‘don’t
love me’...would read ‘love me’

so

actually

don’t love me?)