better off dead

You rang to say you’d be late
And to complain

Yet you didn’t bother asking
Me if I was okay

I sit up all evening into the night
Worrying, praying you’re alright

Watching out the window
Waiting for you to show

Wishing you’d come home

I’m still wearing the same clothes, sipping
Coffee when the sun comes up and you
Come

Running

Through the apartment door
In the morning smelling

Of cologne, tasting of whiskey
Coughing, laughing, and smiling

Still you neglect to ask me how I am
Or how I’m doing

As I run a bath,

Change into a work suit
Set out the paper and your
Tea leaves for you

Before leaving, you tell me we need
Groceries, there’s nothing to eat

You scream

As I retreat into the hallway, run down the staircase,
Jump into the rush-hour subway

Feeling all the blood in my body
Come rushing to my head

I close my eyes, picture your memory,
Then mutter under my breath

The following sentence:

‘Better off dead’