i traced your name in my veins

my head was full of desert air;

your heart was stuffed with city
despair

and pain.

the air made my brain
forget the most important thing:

my heart.

I thought time apart
was what we needed
to be

together again

yet

with a big head
I took it
a step

too far;

now we are

sleeping
hardly,

in different
beds-

now, we are
separated

by miles
upon miles
on end

in different
cities-

we were a string
unraveling, a thread
splitting

up at the sides and seams

in an empty, lonely
apartment I decide
to hide it (to hide
the longing/love in
a tiny red envelope
along with a note)

it works for approximately four months

before I can no longer lie
to myself; cradling
poor health
I dial

you

don't answer; you never answer.

with a tumor threatening
to take over my heart
like cancer

I relapse into the past

thinking maybe I could make
you come back to me by drawing

blood from the veins
in my arms that
resemble tracks

or routes on
highway
maps-

the walls tumble and crumble, then crack.

I shout it out; there's nothing,
no ring, no answer, only
the cancer and scars
on these arms,

I traced your name in my veins

with needle points
pointlessly

for now you are even further from me

and I am lost;

I paid the price
but forgot
the cost.