Walk in door, smile. Pretend to be happy- little kids playing in park, kiss on lips, hug from mother, clean sheets- exchange hello's, smile. Surrounded by people- all alone in room, twiddling thumbs- quiet, polite. They offer me a drink- "to wash away sadness," she tells me; live because death's the alternative; brainwashed from the start; lonely all the time- of vodka, I decline. Get up, move to sofa, pretty girl sits next to me, start feeling nervous- first date, girl on bed, speech in front of class, don't know answer to question- she smiles at me. "Hi nice to meet you how are you I'm fine, I'm always fine- lights shining too brightly; music pounding my eardrums; warm feeling in crotch area- when I'm a little tipsy."
Just then I realized I had a problem- keys locked in car, flat tire, wrong number, parachute did not open- see, I hadn't cried in weeks. Normally, I wouldn't mind so much but family member died and I did not shed single tear, I felt like it but no tears- clogged drain, stuffy nose, hole in straw- came out.
Obviously, I made it with her, she took me by the hand and locked the door- hot shower (20 minutes), sleep with no interruptions, hot fudge sundae- pants down on bed. I remembered my problem once again, put on boxer briefs, buckled belt, and ran- Michael Johnson/Maurice Green, cheetah, gazelle, donkey, chicken with severed head - to hospital.
Doctor takes one look at me, pulls up my sleeve, plunges needle into vein- walking barefoot on asphalt under the summer sun, punched in face by drunken father, biting down on tongue, finger nails on chalk board- injecting me with some drug made to grow back the part of the heart that makes you cry.
I was happy; drugged but still me; waking (or sleeping); falling hard; like is not love. Fetish for fragmented thoughts/flipped switch for nonsense. Surrounded once again by joyful youths: fall to ground and start to cry- as easy as that- in front of them all.
Just then I realized I had a problem- keys locked in car, flat tire, wrong number, parachute did not open- see, I hadn't cried in weeks. Normally, I wouldn't mind so much but family member died and I did not shed single tear, I felt like it but no tears- clogged drain, stuffy nose, hole in straw- came out.
Obviously, I made it with her, she took me by the hand and locked the door- hot shower (20 minutes), sleep with no interruptions, hot fudge sundae- pants down on bed. I remembered my problem once again, put on boxer briefs, buckled belt, and ran- Michael Johnson/Maurice Green, cheetah, gazelle, donkey, chicken with severed head - to hospital.
Doctor takes one look at me, pulls up my sleeve, plunges needle into vein- walking barefoot on asphalt under the summer sun, punched in face by drunken father, biting down on tongue, finger nails on chalk board- injecting me with some drug made to grow back the part of the heart that makes you cry.
I was happy; drugged but still me; waking (or sleeping); falling hard; like is not love. Fetish for fragmented thoughts/flipped switch for nonsense. Surrounded once again by joyful youths: fall to ground and start to cry- as easy as that- in front of them all.
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